This month we have been focusing on building awareness for who YOU are in your relationship.

Noticing what other people’s energies bring out in you.

Two weeks ago I asked you to tune into the way you communicate in your relationship. Particularly, how you listen, and if you easily become defensive.

In all areas of life, I want  you to piece together how your decisions got you there. 

And, for you to understand YOUR process of making these decisions, you need to link your thoughts to your emotions. This is the power of your inner voice, the voice I am always asking you to find.

If you are not liking who you are in your relationship – be it with one of your parents, a friend, or a lover, there is a good chance it has something to do with you not communicating.

What you’re not communicating can be boundaries, old frustration, new sensitivities, and so on.

Depending on your personality, you may hold things in, or, you may be emotionally charged and speak freely – but not always in a constructive manner.

Relationships are work. All of them. And, they are all worth it. It is the community and support system we build for ourselves. Now, it’s time to curate it to be the most beneficial for you.

And, that takes communicating in a manner that is beneficial – graceful.  Here are words of wisdom that will help you create the right space, and find the right words to communicate in your relationships.

Set the mood… 

Find the right time. Don’t try to have an important conversation in highly emotional time, when one of you is stressed, preoccupied, or intoxicated – schedule a time if you need to, and don’t say WE NEED TO TALK… lets reconnect or get some me and you time... make it an enjoyable thing.

Love before logistics…

I’m a big believer of hugs and kisses before a big talk. This helps you keep your body language consistent with the message you are trying to deliver.

You can still tell someone you are angry, without acting out in anger. This is the space where you choose love.

Be assertive, not aggressive…

This space gets tricky, especially with close relationships. We get emotionally charged.

Just as you would prepare to have a important talk with your boss, or  potential client, organize your thoughts. Edit what you want to say to make it more emotionally digestible.  Stop if you being rambling, going off topic, or repeating.

Avoid tit-for-tat, attacking, or cross-examining. This is your turn to state your opinion. Each person gets the floor.

If you have to, keep asking your partner – calmly – to not interrupt you. There is going to be a lot of deep breathing during this to keep you calm.

Remember the abundance of love in your life, especially in such a hurting, volatile world. Let this reminder fuel your patience for those you love.

Sending you my love,

Sahar